![[Previous Review]](images/bback.gif)
Paramount pretty much owns everything you're about to read. It's their dialog, their characters, their franchise. It's their sandbox. We're just playing in it.
[Captioning sponsored by Paramount Television and United Paramount Network.]
[Series Premiere] After being held back by the Vulcans for about a hundred years, Starfleet launches the Enterprise on its first mission: Take a confused Klingon back to his people.
The UPN logo is seen, triumphantly heralding the premier of "Enterprise." The series logo appears on my screen as a voice tells me that this episode is brought to the viewers by Kimnach Ford. Great, let's start! I already have a car. The logo fades out. It's time for the episode to start! As the picture appears on my screen, I see.... Sarah Michelle Gellar? My first reaction is, "Oh, p'tak!" Oh, wait, she's just telling us how to donate to the red cross. That's good. I like the red cross. They're doing a lot to help out in this time of need. (If you would like to donate blood, you can call them at 1-800-GIVE-LIFE.) Good, she's going away now.... And thus began Series V:
"Where no man has gone before" is fittingly the first bit of dialogue heard on the new Trek. The young Jonathan Archer is carefully painting a model of a Starfleet transport he built.
Behind him is his father, Henry Archer. "Doctor Cochrane would be proud of you."
I guess Zefram Cochrane likes kids.
"I know the whole speech by heart." Jonathan tells his dad. "When's it going to be ready to fly?"
Henry looks at the model. "Let the paint dry first."
Jonathan stops painting for a moment. "No, I mean your ship."
"Not for a while." Replies Henry. "It hasn't even been built yet."
The younger Archer asks, "How big will it be?"
Yeah, from the start, Jonathan Archer is definitely a guy. Soon he'll probably be asking how fast can it go, and whether it can outrun the neighbor boy's airspeeder.
His father smiles. "Pretty big."
"Bigger than Ambassador Pointy's ship?"
Wow! I think I'm gonna like this captain. Sounds like something Bones would have said.
Henry says, "His name is Soval... And he's been very helpful... and I've told you not to call him that."
Jonathan keeps painting. ("Hey, kid, ya missed a spot! Hello?" Oh wait, he can't hear me.) "Billy Cook said we'd be flying at warp five by now if the Vulcans hadn't kept things from us."
Dad Archer frowns. "They have their reasons. God knows what they are."
*
30 Years Later in Broken Bow, Oklahoma
We see a cornfield. I wonder if it's Silver Queen. Think maybe by the 22nd century they know how to make more than one ear grow on each stalk?
A small ship has crash landed, and we can see the damage path through the corn through the smoke. A Klingon is running through the field being chased by two Sulibans, our new baddies. Mr. Klingon (Klaang, as we later come to know him) runs into a silo and closes the door. The aliens stop at the door, and then one of the Suliban slides under the door, reshaping himself slightly to fit. He lets his buddy in and they close the door behind them. Higher up in the silo, Klaang jumps out of an opening, then destroys (REALLY destroys) it with his hand weapon. I want one of those.
Watching all of this from a house is Farmer Moore, a simple fellow who was raised by his half Uncle (well, not really, I'm making this part up).
Moore has a gun, and he seems kinda ticked that some seven foot tall dude with ridges on his forehead just blew up his silo. "Drop your weapon. I mean it!"
Klaang cheerfully answers him, enunciating carefully "Roqnug, pagh qoh! Mang juh!"
Our farmer friend doesn't seem to speak much Klingon. "I don't understand a word you're saying but I guarantee you I know how to use this."
"Hich ghah! Qagh doq!" Proclaims Klaang, stepping towards Moore.
Farmer Moore, apparently not an advocate of gun control, fires, knocking Klaang back several feet, where he lands roughly on his posterior.
*
OPENING CREDITS: various shots of ships of exploration are seen as Russell Watson sings the Diane Warren song, "Faith of the Heart."
ENTERPRISE
Based Upon "Star Trek Created by Gene Roddenberry
Scott Bakula
John Billingsley
Jolene Blalock
Dominic Keating
Anthony Montgomery
Linda Park
Connor Trinneer
Created by Rick Berman & Brannon Braga
***
Captain Jonathan Archer and Commander Charles "Trip" Tucker III are in a shuttlepod approaching space dock, where the Enterprise rests peacefully. Earth floats beautifully in the background. They fly under the ship, looking up at the saucer section.
"God, she's beautiful." Says Archer.
Not that they let us, the audience, see it just yet.
Trip is obviously proud of the ship too. "And fast. Warp 4.5 next Thursday."
In what is obviously a scene about two guys drooling over the new car, Archer comments, "Neptune and back in six minutes."
Trip looks up in wonder. "Whhhew."
Archer orders him, "Let's take a look at the lateral sensor array. There, those are the ports that buckled during the last test. They need to be reinforced."
As Trip admires the starship, he doesn't notice how close they are, and.... OW! They bumped into the ship. Reckless driving.
Archer is bemused. "Great. You scratched the paint."
"Sorry."
The Communicator beeps. It sounds just like the ones from the original "Star Trek." Haven't heard those in a looooong time.
"Captain Archer, sir. Admiral Forrest needs you at Starfleet Medical right away."
*
At Starfleet Medical, three of Starfleet's top brass, including Admiral Forrest (da boss) are gathered, along with the Vulcan Ambassador Pointy (er, Soval), another unidentified fellow, and T'Pol, a Vulcan female.
A Starfleet commander says, "Who was chasing him?"
"We don't know." Says Soval. "They were incinerated in the methane explosion and the farmer's description was vague at best."
Admiral Leonard asks them, "How did they get here? What kind of ship?"
Questions, questions, questions. Humans always ask so many questions.
The unidentified Vulcan (Tos, I think his name is) says, "They were using some kind of stealth technology. We're still analyzing our sensor logs."
The Starfleet commander speaks up again. "I'd like to see those logs."
Soval (Ambassador Pointy) replies to him patronizingly. "The Klingons made it very clear they want us to expedite this."
Admiral Leonard immediately objects. "It happened on our soil."
Soval acknowledges the chubby, mustached admiral. "That's irrelevant."
Admiral Forrest breaks in. "Ambassador, with all due respect we have a right to know what's going on here."
Soval tells him, "You will be apprized of all pertinent information."
The Starfleet commander is obviously not impressed. "And just who gets to decide what's pertinent information?"
Captain Archer walks in, in mid-discussion.
He nods at Admiral Forrest. "Admiral."
The Admiral looks at him. "John. I think you know everyone."
"Not everyone."
Archer looks over at the Klingon lying in the medical bay. A Cardassian is attending to him. Oh, wait, that's not a Cardassian, that's Doctor Phlox. More about him later.
Admiral Leonard (the chubby one with the mustache) notices the Captain looking at the alien. "It's a Klingot."
One of the Vulcans corrects him. "A Klingon."
Captain Jonathan Archer looks at the bumpy headed chap. "Where'd he come from?"
"Oklahoma." Says Admiral Leonard.
Hey, does this have anything to do with the producers' view of the origin of the species?
Forrest continues. "A corn farmer named Moore shot him with a plasma rifle. Says it was self-defense."
Tos - seeming rather proud of himself - informs them all of his latest accomplishment. "Fortunately, Soval and I have maintained close contact with Kronos since the incident occurred."
"Kronos?" Asks Archer.
Tos continues to enlighten us. "It's the Klingons' homeworld."
Fortunately for the viewing audience, Admiral Forrest just comes across as... nicer. "This gentleman's some sort of a courier. Evidently, he was carrying crucial information back to his people."
Soval seems a wee bit exasperated. "When he was nearly killed by your farmer."
Forrest gives Archer the bad news. "Ambassador Soval thinks it would be best if we push off your launch until we've cleared this up.
The dialogue in this scene made it very uncertain as to whether the Enterprise would actually launch in the first episode. Hey, they could have done a whole series about trying to get the ship out there! Oh wait, the Klingons want their friend back.
And gee, Archer isn't too happy about that. "Well, isn't that a surprise. You'd think they would have come up with something a little more imaginative this time."
Soval talks too much. "Sarcasm aside, Captain, the last thing your people need is to make an enemy of the Klingon empire."
Tos, his cheerful self, goes on. "If we hadn't convinced them to let us take Klaang's corpse back to Kronos, earth would most likely be facing a squadron of warbirds by the end of the week."
Captain Archer is incredulous. "Corpse? Is he dead?"
He barges into the medical bay. "Excuse me. Is this man dead?"
The Cardassi— I mean, Doctor Phlox says, "His autonomic system was disrupted by the blast but his redundant neural function..."
Archer obviously doesn't like technobabble. "Is he going to die?"
Phlox seems to understand the desire for simplicity. "Not necessarily."
Archer exits the medical bay and confronts the vulcans. "Let me get this straight. You're going to disconnect this man from life-support even though he could live. Now, where's the logic in that?"
This scene is fun to watch backwards in slow-motion, if you taped it. Scott Bakula makes some interesting gestures that look very silly when seen in reverse.
Soval: "Klaang's culture finds honor in death. If they saw him like this he'd be disgraced."
Tos: "They're a warrior race. They dream of dying in battle. If you understood the complexities of interstellar diplomacy..."
Oh, come on folks. Diplomacy should be simple! Shouldn't it? You wouldn't know from interviews with Colin Powell.
Archer seems pretty mad at this. And hey, it's infuriating. "So that's your diplomatic solution? To do what they tell you? Pull the plug?"
Tos deadpans, "Your metaphor is crude... But accurate."
Archer seems to enjoy preaching as much as the next Starfleet captain."We may be crude, but we're not murderers. You're not going to let them do this, are you?" (He asks the Admiral.)
Soval says, "The Klingons have demanded that we return Klaang immediately."
What a snot!
Archer: "Admiral?"
"We may need to defer to their judgment."
Archer raises his voice. "We've been deferring to their judgment for a hundred years."
"Jon..."
"How much longer?"
Finally, the Vulcan girl speaks. I was wondering if she were Soval's mute and dumb bond servant. "Until you've proven you're ready."
Archer looks to her. "Ready to what?"
"To look beyond your provincial attitudes and your volatile nature."
"Volatile? You have no idea how much I'm restraining myself from knocking you on your ass."
After Archer says this, we get a lovely reaction from T'Pol. It's one of those looks women give that is nearly expressionless, yet somehow means, "You are going to die... Or find starch in your undies."
Admiral Forrest interrupts this very fascinating discourse. "These Klingons, they're anxious to get their man back."
Archer is confident. "Fine. I can have my ship ready to go in three days. We'll take him back home... Alive."
Soval: "This is no time to be imposing your ethical beliefs."
Hey! We're humans. When is not the time? Anyhow, if the vulcans think killing the Klingon is ethical, they can stuff it.
Admiral Forrest turns to Admiral Leonard. "Dan?"
Leonard has a few concerns. "What about your crew? Your com officer's in brazil. You haven't selected a medical officer yet."
"Three days-- that's all I need."
Soval is growing upset (for a vulcan). "Admiral?"
Forrest sides with the Captain. "We've been waiting for nearly a century, ambassador. This seems as good a time as any to get started."
"Listen to me. You're making a mistake!" Soval actually shouts on ‘mistake' - never heard a vulcan do that! Personally, I think it's kinda bad.
Archer says, "When your logic doesn't work you raise your voice? You have been on earth too long."
The vulcans leave, as do Admiral Leonard and the Starfleet commander.
Admiral Forrest smiles at Archer. "I had a feeling their approach wouldn't sit too well with you. Don't screw this up."
*
Onboard the Enterprise, Ensign Travis Mayweather and Lieutenant Malcolm Reed are in the transporter room, ooohing and ahhing at the magic of technology.
Mayweather seems enthusiastic. "I heard this platform's been approved for bio-transport."
"I presume you mean fruits and vegetables." Says Reed.
"I mean armory officers and helmsmen."
Reed continues speaking in his thick British accent. "I don't think I'm quite ready to have my molecules compressed into a data stream."
Mayweather is more optimistic. "They claim it's safe."
Hey, tell that to Dr. McCoy!
Reed: "Do they, indeed? Well, I certainly hope the captain doesn't plan on making us use it."
"Don't worry. From what I'm told he won't even put his dog through this thing."
The captain has a dog? I wonder if he'll be keeping it in a kennel while he's out on missions...
A container of stuff beams onto the transporter pad.
Reed opens it up. "This is ridiculous. I ask for plasma coils and they send me a case of valve sealant. There's no chance I can have these weapons on-line in three days."
Travis says something that all Trekkies will immediately recognize as a stupid comment. "We're just taking a sick man back to his homeworld. Why do we need weapons?"
Reed, who is obviously a fan of "The Next Generation" and "Deep Space Nine" says, "Didn't you read the profile report on these Klingons?"
Travis shakes his head, looking quizzical.
Reed looks very solemn and british. "Apparently they sharpen their teeth before they go into battle."
Travis Mayweather looks at him and smiles... Oh, wait, he isn't joking. Frown Travis. That's right, right on cue (Travis frowns).
*
Malcolm Reed and Travis Mayweather are now walking through the corridors of the submarine - I mean, the Enterprise - to main engineering.
Reed is still annoyed that his toys didn't get transported today. "No doubt Mr. Tucker will reassure me that my equipment will be here tomorrow."
Then, with a BAD southern accent, he tries to imitate Commander Tucker ("Trip"). "Keep your shirt on, lieutenant."
Mayweather asks, "Is it me, or does the artificial gravity seem a bit heavy?"
Apparently not to Reed. "Feels all right."
Mayweather, who has been out in space a lot before, explains, "My father always kept it at point eight g. Thought it put a little spring in his step."
Reed nods, understandingly. "After being raised on cargo ships it must have felt like you had lead in your boots when you got to earth."
Yeah, gravity really does bring you back down to Earth.
*
"Beautiful. Lock it off right there." Commander Charles "Trip" Tucker III is strolling proudly down a catwalk on the second level of main engineering. He trips over his shoelaces and falls down. Maybe that's why they call him "Trip."
Trip walks over to the warp 5 engine and scrubs off some dust.
Reed walks in. "I believe you missed a spot."
Trip glares... Well, not really, he smiles.
Reed introduces Mayweather. "Commander Tucker, Ensign Travis Mayweather. He just arrived."
Trip grins at the young man. "Our space boomer."
Mayweather, who is just as much of the "manly type" as the captain, asks, "How fast have you gotten her?"
Trip is glad he asked, and begins bragging. "Warp four. We'll be going to four-five as soon as we clear Jupiter. Think you can handle it?"
Mayweather continues the exchange of the gleeful boys. "4.5?!"
Hey, are they gonna have stereotypical women on this show? Don't get me wrong, these guys are cool. It's nice to finally see some guys who seem like... guys, on "Star Trek."
Lieutenant Reed, who is all business for the moment, interrupts. "Pardon me but if I don't realign the deflector the first grain of space dust we come across will blow a hole through this ship the size of your fist."
"Keep your shirt on, Lieutenant." Says Charlie, "Your equipment'll be here in the morning."
Reed and Mayweather look at each other and laugh.
*
Out in the Amazon (at least according to the script, the scene was probably filmed in southern California), we see a huge futuristic structure that must have cost several million dollars to build for the episode's set... Oh, wait, it's just CGI.
Somewhere on the outskirts of the structures, Ensign Hoshi Sato is giving a group of about twenty students a language lesson in an open-air classroom.
Hoshi says something that sounds like a walrus dying. "Ghlungit !tak nekl.ee!c."
The students try to imitate the sound and do only a little bit better than I did, saying, "Un glit, tak negleect!"
Hoshi is an understanding teacher. "Very good. Again."
The students drone on in unison. "Ghlun~it !tak nekleet." Hoshi prompts one of the young men (she probably thinks he's cute or something). "Carlos."
"Ltrunghi !krgltt!" He says with great joy.
Hoshi corrects him, making noises that humans shouldn't be able to.
"krgltt!"
Carlos attempts to repeat it, but can't quite get it right.
"!krgltt!"
Hoshi tells him, "Tighten the back of your tongue: !kr~ltt"
As Carlos vainly attempts to say "!krgltt!," Hoshi looks up and sees Captain Archer standing off to the side in casual civilian garb.
Hoshi smiles at Carlos. "Keep trying. You've almost got it." Then she says to the class, "I'll be right back!"
Hoshi Sato and Captain Archer walk down a path through a lush forest together, chatting as they go.
"It's just two more weeks before exams. It's impossible for me to leave now."
Archer isn't buying it. "You've got to have someone who can cover for you."
Hoshi points out some common sense to her captain. "If there was anyone else who could do what I do, you wouldn't be so eager to have me on your space ship."
Archer prods her, "Hoshi..."
She says, "I'm sorry, Captain, I owe it to these kids."
Ummm, does she mean... Carlos, by that?
"I could order you."
Hoshi Sato obviously spends too much time reading regulations manuals. "I'm on leave from Starfleet, remember? You'd have to forcibly recall me, which would require a reprimand which would disqualify me from serving on an active vessel."
"I need someone with your ear."
Hoshi is stubborn, though. (I knew we'd get some stereotypical women along the way!) "And you'll have her... in three weeks."
Archer pulls a little round dohickey out of his shirt-pocket and presses a button on it. We immediately hear the irate voice of a Klingon man shouting something about his mom.
Hoshi is suddenly very interested. "What's that?"
"Klingon. Ambassador Soval gave us a sampling of their linguistic database."
"I thought you said the Vulcans were opposed to this."
"They are." Says Archer, "But we agreed to make a few... compromises."
Hoshi listens to the Klingon voice. "What do you know about these... Klingons?"
"Not much. An empire of warriors with eighty poly-guttural dialects constructed on an adaptive syntax."
"Turn it up."
Archer taps the controls and the Klingon starts talking even more loudly. He sounds madder, too. "Think about it. You'd be the first human to talk to these people. Do you really want someone else to do it?"
Well, there's our new communications officer, folks! Hoshi Sato. She screams a lot.
*
Back on the Enterprise (which is still floating around in space-dock), Archer, Trip, and Porthos (the captain's puppy) are in the ready room.
"Since when do we have Vulcan Science Officers?" Asks Trip.
"Since we need vulcan starcharts to get to Kronos."
Charlie finds that to be rather suspicious. "So we get a few maps... and they get to put a spy on our ship?"
Archer answers him, "Admiral Forrest says we should think of her more as a ‘chaperone.'"
Do these guys need a chaperone? Particularly one that the producers of the show obviously intend to use to bring in the 14 - 25 year old male audience?
"I thought the whole point of this was to get away from the Vulcans."
Archer says, "Four days there, four days back... then she's gone. In the meantime, we're to extend her every courtesy."
Charlie: "I don't know... I'd be more comfortable with Porthos on the Bridge."
There is a chime, indicating that Sub-Commander T'Pol is at the door.
Archer sighs. "Here we go. Come in."
T'Pol walks in confidently. The look on her face suggests "attitude realignment needed." She hands Archer a PADD. "This confirms that I was formally transferred to your command at oh eight hundred hours. Reporting for duty."
As Archer looks at the pad, T'Pol seems to detect an unpleasant odor. She looks around.
Archer notices this. "Is there a problem?"
"No, sir"
Archer can tell she's lying, and seems to be enjoying himself. "Oh, I forgot... Vulcan females have a heightened sense of smell. I hope Porthos isn't too offensive to you."
T'Pol stares at him. "I've been trained to tolerate offensive situations."
Oooh, bad move, Miss Vulcan! You just can't go around dis'n a guy's dog!
Trip seems to derive as much amusement from her discomfort as Jon Archer does. "I took a shower this morning... How about you, Captain?"
"I'm sorry." He says, then introduces the two. "This is Commander Charles Tucker. Sub-Commander T'Pol."
Charlie stands up and smiles at her, then holds out his hand.
"I'm called Trip."
T'Pol ignores the proffered hand. "I'll try to remember that."
Wow! What a rude woman! She wouldn't even shake his hand! Hasn't she ever met a southerner before?
Archer becomes more serious. "While you may not share our enthusiasm about this mission, I expect you to follow our rules... what's said in this room and out on that Bridge is classified... privileged information. I don't want every word I say being picked apart the next day by the Vulcan High Command." "My reason for being here is not espionage. My superiors simply asked me to assist you."
Archer doesn't buy it. "Your superiors don't think we can flush a toilet without one of you to ‘assist' us."
Hm. Cool line.
T'Pol shows a little emotion now! Irritation. "I didn't request this assignment, Captain... and you can be certain that when the mission's over, I'll be as pleased to leave this ship as you'll be to have me go."
Suddenly, she looks down, this time very obviously irritated. Cute little Porthos has jumped up with his front paws on her leg, wagging his tail.
T'Pol: "If there's nothing else."
Archer waits a moment, letting Porthos sniff her. Then he picks the puppy up. "That'll be all."
T'Pol walks out. Porthos looks around for exciting new things to smell.
*
In a room inside space-dock, a crowd is gathered. They are sitting in stadium style seating, with Admiral Forrest standing at a podium in the front. Behind him is a large observation window looking out on the hull of the Enterprise. The senior crew of the NX-01 stands at the back: Captain Jonathan Archer, Commander Charles "Trip" Tucker III, Lieutenant Malcolm Reed, Ensign Travis Mayweather, and Ensign Hoshi Sato. They are all in uniform. With them is Sub-Commander T'Pol, in her vulcan costume and pointy ears.
Admiral Forrest begins his speech. "When Zefram Cochrane made his legendary warp flight ninety years ago... and drew the attention of our new friends, the Vulcans, we realized that we weren't alone in the galaxy. Today we're about to cross a new threshold. For nearly a century, we've waded ankle-deep in the ocean of space... now it's finally time to swim."
The crowd applauds happily. The vulcans look bored.
Forrest goes on. "The warp five engine wouldn't be a reality without men like Doctor Cochrane and Henry Archer, who worked so hard to develop it. So it's only fitting that Henry's son, Jonathan Archer, will command the first starship powered by that engine."
At this point, Admiral Forrest nods to Captain Archer, who leads his crew out of the room. "Rather than quoting Doctor Cochrane, I think we should listen to his own words from the ground breaking ceremony for the Warp Five Complex... thirty-two years ago..."
He looks to the viewscreen behind him. The image of the Enterprise dissolves and is replaced with footage of Dr. Zefram Cochrane at the dedication ceremony of the Warp 5 Complex. Standing beside him is Henry Archer. "On this site, a powerful engine will be built... an engine that will someday let us travel a hundred times faster than we can today."
As the speech continues, we see the crew of the Enterprise walk onto the bridge and take their stations.
We hear Cochrane's voice. "Imagine it. Thousands of inhabited planets at our fingertips. And we'll be able to explore those strange new worlds... and seek out new life and new civilizations."
Back in the room where the crowd is gathered, we see Zefram Cochrane - inventor of faster than light travel - finish his speech. "This engine will let us go boldly... where no man has gone before."
Mooring lines unfasten from the hull and snap away.
In main engineering, Commander Tucker stands by the warp core.
Charlie stands before the now throbbing warp core.
On the bridge, Archer leans forward in the captain's chair.
We zoom in on his face, and the scene changes...
Flashback time, folks! The young Jonathan Archer is with his dad. A little hovering gadget the looks like an hourglass floats in front of him. His dad smiles at him. They put it into their model ship.
And now, back to the show kids!
Captain Jonathan Archer gives the order to get underway. "Take her out... straight and steady, Mister Mayweather."
The musical score swells, as the Enterprise NX-01 engages its engines and moves out into open space.
Archer presses a button on his chair's armrest. "How are we doing, Charlie?"
"Ready when you are."
Archer: "Prepare for warp."
"Course laid in, sir." Says Mayweather. "Request permission to get underway."
T'Pol gazes at her console. "The coordinates are off by point two degrees." Archer gives her a look that clearly indicates he's not interested in her analysis at the moment. "Thank you. Let's go."
With Earth in the background, the Enterprise flies away and blasts off into warp speed.
*
In another region of space, the Suliban have a Helix-base inside a gas giant (type 7).
In the center of this is the temporal chamber. In the center of the room is a raised platform where a humanoid figure stands, darkened too much to see. The Suliban leader, Silik enters the room to talk to the dark figure, who is from the future.
Everything seen and heard has an echo... but the echo occurs before the action event. It's from just a few seconds in the future.
Future Dude speaks. "Where's Klaang?"
"The humans have him."
Future Dude doesn't sound too happy about this. Not that he did before. "Did you lose anyone else?"
Silik tells him, "Two of my soldiers were killed. One of them was a friend. Can you prevent it?"
"Our agreement doesn't provide for correcting mistakes. Recover the evidence."
Silik nods. I will... I promise you. When will we speak again?"
"Don't be concerned with when."
***
In sickbay, Doctor Phlox has made himself quite at home. Jars, cages, boxes, and all sorts of living critters are scattered about.
Captain Archer walks in and picks up a jar that's filled with a clear pink fluid. There are little fishy-looking-things swimming about inside the jar. "Love what you've done with the place."
Phlox looks up from his work. "Those are immunocytic gel worms... try not to shake them."
Archer sees Klaang the Klingon lying on a nearby bio-bed. "So what'd you think of Earth?"
Phlox apparently thought a lot about Earth. "Intriguing! I especially liked the Chinese food. Have you ever tried it?" "I've lived in San Francisco all my life."
Phlox changes the subject. "Anatomically, you humans are somewhat simplistic... but what you lack biologically you make up for with your charming optimism... not to mention your egg drop soup."
Archer picks up a small box with a cage-like type.
"Be very careful with the blue box."
The box shakes a bit. Some sort of unseen creature inside is ticked off.
"What's in there?" Asks Archer.
"At Altarian marsupial!" Says Phlox. "Their droppings contain the greatest concentration of regenerative enzymes found anywhere."
Archer has about the same reaction as me: "Their droppings?"
You know, I wonder... How do you take advantage of the medical properties of these droppings? Are they condensed into a pill or a nutritional supplement drink? Do you just eat them? Do you take them rectally?
Phlox says, "If you're going to try to embrace new worlds... you must try to embrace new ideas. That's why the Vulcans initiated the Interspecies Medical Exchange... there's a lot to be learned!"
"I'm sorry I had to take you away from your program... but our doctors haven't even heard of a Klingon."
Phlox doesn't mind. "Please, no apologies! What better time to study human beings than when they're under pressure? It's a rare opportunity. And your Klingon friend... I've never had a chance to examine a living one before." (Phlox says this almost too smugly.)
Archer looks down at the Klingon "Lieutenant Mayweather tells me we'll be to Kronos in about eighty hours. Any chance he'll be conscious by then?"
Phlox is still cheerful... Almost annoying, but not quite. "There's a chance he'll be conscious within the next ten minutes... just not a very good one."
And Archer gives his first line that indicates he likes deadlines as much as Kirk or Picard. "Eighty hours, Doctor. If he doesn't walk off this ship on his own two feet, he doesn't stand much of a chance."
"I'll do the best I can. Optimism, Captain!"
And wowee! What a smile the Doctor gives our Captain!!! That was disturbing. I wonder if he'll do that in many episodes.
*
In a weird square-shaped room that apparently exists for no real reason, Ensign Mayweather is sitting comfortably on the ceiling..
Trip climbs in through a portal at the bottom of the room. "You're upside-down, ensign."
"Yes, sir."
"Care to explain why?" Asks Trip.
Mayweather picks his nose and flicks some boogers around in zero-G. "When I was a kid, we called it the ‘sweet spot.' Every ship's got one."
"Sweet spot?"
Mayweather:"It's usually about halfway between the grav-generator and the bow plate. Grab hold of that conduit."
Trip reaches for it.
"Now swing your legs up." Travis tells him.
Trip is hesitant, apparently not wanting to live up to his name (betcha by the end of season 1, the writers will have used that pun).
"Swing your legs." Mayweather says.
Trip does, and he begins to float up. "Wow!"
Then he spins out of control. "Wooooaaah!"
And BANG! He crashes into the ceiling.
Mayweather smiles. "Takes practice."
Trip repositions himself so he's sitting by Travis.
"Ever slept in zero G?"
Trip: "Slept?"
Mayweather says, "Like being back in the womb." Trip is curious to hear about some of the worlds Travis has been to. "Captain tells me you've been to Trillius Prime."
"Took the fourth, fifth and sixth grades to get there. I've also been to Draylax and both the Andorian Moons." Mayweather brags, still flicking boogers.
Trip is obviously jealous. "I've only been to one inhabited planet besides Earth... nothing there but dust-dwelling ticks. I've heard the women on Draylax have..."
"Three... it's true."
Um. No comment.
"You know that first hand?" Asks Trip, obviously VERY interested in these women.
Mayweather grins. "First-hand, second-hand, and third-hand."
Ohhh! Ohhh! BAD joke! Was that even a joke or just bad dialogue?
Trip doesn't notice. "I guess growing up a boomer has its advantages."
They continue grinning.
*
A little later in the mess hall, Trip is walking in. A crewman offers him a seat.
"Sorry." He says. "Dinner with the boss tonight."
Inside the Captain's Mess, Archer and T'Pol are sharing Amish jokes and enjoying a hearty laugh.
"The Grand Canyon?"
"No." Says T'Pol.
"Big Sur Aquarium?"
"Sightseeing was not one of my assignments."
Archer shakes his head. All work and no play... Everyone should get out for a little R & R now and then."
"All our recreational needs are provided at the Compound."
The door chimes and Trip enters.
"Come in!" Says Archer, politely.
"You should've started without me."
Archer: "Sit down."
Charlie promptly obeys, grabs a bread stick out of the basket at the center of the table, and starts eating. T'Pol raises an eyebrow at the noise he creates while chomping on his food.
Archer tries to start a conversation. "T'Pol tells me she's been living at the Vulcan Compound in Sausalito."
Charlie grins. "No kidding. I lived a few blocks from there when I was at the Academy. Great parties at the Vulcan Compound."
T'Pol ignores them while she attempts to cut her bread stick with her knife. It crumbles on her plate.
Archer offers her a little human wisdom. "It might be a little easier using your fingers."
T'Pol says, "Vulcans don't touch food with their hands."
Well! Hmph!
"Can't wait to see you tackle the spare ribs." Says Trip.
T'Pol looks at Archer, showing more alarm than one would expect from a Vulcan.
"Don't worry. We know you're a vegetarian." He assures her.
The door opens, admitting a steward carrying dinner. He gives Trip and Archer plates with delicious looking slabs of steak.
At this point, the door leading to the kitchen opens and a STEWARD enters carrying three plates of food. As he places them down, we see that Archer and Charlie are being served meat, while T'Pol receives a platter of grilled vegetables.
"Looks delicious!" Says Charlie. "Tell Chef I said thanks."
The steward nods and exits.
"You humans claim to be enlightened, yet you still consume the flesh of animals." Says T'Pol.
HEY! Did PETA pay for that line?
Charlie's mouth is full, but that doesn't keep him from running it. "Grandma taught me never to judge a species by their eating habits."
Hm. I like this guy!
Archer says, "‘Enlightened' may be too strong a word, but if you'd been on Earth fifty years ago, I think you'd be impressed by what we've gotten done."
"You've yet to embrace either patience or logic... you remain impulsive carnivores."
Trip uses some good ol' dialogue from "Star Trek: First Contact." "Yeah? How about war... disease... hunger? Pretty much wiped 'em out in less than two generations. I wouldn't call that small potatoes."
T'Pol continues being pessimistic. "It remains to be seen whether humanity will revert to its baser instincts."
She's just begging for a put-down, and Trip gives it to her. "We used to have cannibals on Earth. Who knows how far we'll revert? Lucky this isn't a long mission."
Archer says, "Human instinct is pretty strong -- you can't expect us to change overnight."
During the entire conversation, T'Pol had been carefully working on sawing a bread stick with her knife. She finally breaks a piece off and eats it. "With proper discipline, anything's possible."
Hm. Kinda clunky dialogue there. Fortunately, the scene is saved by a good reaction shot given by Scott Bakula.
*
The Enterprise is traveling at warp speed.
Archer, T'Pol, Reed, Mayweather, and Hoshi (as well as various extras) are at their stations on the bridge.
"Seems OK to me." Says Archer. "Why don't you try four-three?"
Mayweather pushes some buttons. "Warp four point three, sir."
There is a moment of quiet uneasiness. The ship trembles a bit. Reed says, "Not much of a change."
Hoshi seems quite worried, though. "I don't know... does anybody else feel that?"
"Feel what?" Asks Archer.
"Those... vibrations... like little tremors."
T'Pol: "You're imagining it."
There is a momentary silence. Captain Archer revels in the fact that everyone shut up, then says, "Bring us to four-four, Lieutenant."
Mayweather pushes his little buttons again, and again, the ship shudders.
"There! What do you call that?" Says Hoshi, nearly frantically.
"The deflector's sequencing." Reed comments, in his british accent. "It's perfectly normal."
T'Pol dishes out some more of that great vulcan sarcasm. "Perhaps you'd like to go to your quarters and lie down?"
"Ponfo mirann."
Ohh! Hoshi teaches us a new alien insult! I like her already. P'tak!
T'Pol icily responds, "I was instructed to speak English during this voyage. I'd appreciate it if you'd respect that."
Hey folks, is it just me, or does this vulcan seem kind of... emotional?
Archer cuts in, ending the argument. "It's easy to get a little jumpy when you're traveling at thirty million kilometers a second. Should be old-hat in a week's time."
There is a beeping noise. Hoshi jumps again. Oh, that's just the comm.
Captain Archer opens the chanel, causing the beeping to stop. "Archer."
"This is Doctor Phlox, Captain. Our patient is regaining consciousness."
"On my way." Says the captain. "Hoshi."
Captain Archer and Hoshi Sato leave the bridge together.
* In sickbay, Klaang the Klingon Buddy is lying on the bio-bed, happily telling us all about his family, his wife, and complaining that Brannon Braga messed up continuity. Of course, he's speaking in Klingon, so MOST of us probably won't understand a word of it. "Pung g'hap HoS!"
Jonathan Archer, Hoshi, and Dr. Phlox are gathered around the Klingon, as well as a security guard with a plasma rifle.
Hoshi is trying to make her translator computer work, but it doesn't seem to be functioning within normal parameters.
"What's wrong?" Asks Archer.
"The translator's not locking onto his dialect... the syntax won't align."
"DujDaj Hegh!"
Archer smiles and nods. "Tell him we're taking him home."
Hoshi: "Ingan Hoch... juH."
Klaang must be thirsty. Either that or he's just a crybaby. "Tujpa'qyl Dun?"
Oh, he's just asking who these strange looking new people are.
"He wants to know who we are."
Archer nods to her, giving her permission to tell him.
"Ou'ghewme~ Enterprise. PugloD."
Klaang says, "Nenta lupHom."
Hoshi: "LupHom ...ship ... He's asking for his ship back."
"Tell him it was destroyed."
Hoshi informs him that his new yacht bit the dust.
Klaang shouts, "Vengen Sto-vo-kor Dos!"
What?! They use Microsoft operating systems in Klingon hell?! That's worse than fire and brimstone.
Hoshi frowns. "I'm not sure... but I think he's saying something about "eating the afterlife."
Archer is frustrated. "Try the translator again."
Hoshi plays with her translator, but it doesn't help. "I'm going to need to run what we've got through the phonetic processor."
Klaang urgently insists that "MajOa blmoHgu!"
Hoshi translates. "He says... ‘his wife has grown ugly.'"
Archer shoots her an exasperated look.
"I'm sorry, Captain... I'm doing the best I can."
Phlox cuts in, "Excuse me."
They turn to see Phlox, who is using a scanning device. "His pre-frontal cortex is hyper stimulated... I doubt he has any idea what he's saying."
"HljolOaOqu'na!"
Yeah, me too.
Hoshi says, "I think the Doctor's right, Captain...unless "stinky boots" has something to do with all this."
There is a sudden shudder, far worse than the ones before on the bridge. This is a "Star Trek XII: Voyager: Crash of the Delta Flyer" type shudder.
Hoshi jumps. "That's the warp reactor again, right?"
Throughout the sequence, Klaang continues to be optimistic, claiming, OaOgu'na!"
Archer is concerned. He taps a comm button on the wall. "Bridge, report."
"We've dropped out of warp, sir. Main power is-"
The comm goes dead in a burst of static. Then, the lights flicker momentarily and go out.
*
On the bridge, Lieutenant Reed looks at his console. "I think I saw something off the starboard bow..."
This captures T'Pol's interest. "What?"
"I don't know... it may've just been the sensors going down..."
All the lights are out in the ship.
*
In engineering, Charlie "Trip" Tucker and his team are using flashlights to see by as they work at the warp core.
Charlie hails Archer. "Captain."
There's no response. He tries again. "Captain!"
The comm is dead.
He begins giving orders to the engineering team. "Lock off the coolant tanks!"
*
In a dark, empty corridor, three aliens are stealthily moving through the ship. One walks on the floor, one crawls spider-like along the wall, and the third on the ceiling.
*
Sickbay is lit only by flashlights held by Archer, Phlox, and Hoshi. Frightened animal noises are coming from all of Phlox's various cages.
Archer is worried. "Auxiliary power should've kicked in by now..."
Klaang keeps shouting in Klingon.
Archer turns to his communications officer. "Do you know how to tell him to shut up?"
Hoshi stops nervously flashing her beacon around long enough to speak to Klaang. "Shut up!"
Klaang keeps on talking.
"Sedate him if you have to. I need to get to the Bridge." Archer says.
Phlox nods and moves towards the Klingon with a sedation leech. (Just kidding.)
Archer is headed for the door when Hoshi says, "Captain! There's someone here."
She's moving the beam of her light across the wall. For a moment, we see someone... Or is that just a reflection of light? "Hoshi..."
"I'm telling you, there's someone-"
She is interrupted by Klaang. He seems to recognize something. He quietly says, "Suliban."
Archer's light hits another of the aliens. This one isn't camouflaged. "Crewman!"
The guard raises his gun. He fires, but the alien leaps out of the way. The guard is hit from behind by the third alien.
Hoshi ducks. Klaang keeps yakking.
Archer lunges and grabs the fallen guard's weapon. He swings it toward the alien and fires.
The one he hits goes flying back.
Klaang looks up. One of the attackers is on the ceiling directly above him. It drops down.
Darkness. Silence.
The lights come back on. The security guard is lying on the floor. Phlox runs over to help him. A dead alien is sprawled on the floor from Hoshi. She backs off.
Archer stares at the bio-bed. Klaang is gone.
In short, I love it. I have a few gripes, but I think the series has a lot of potential. I'll save most of the analysis for Part II, since it was really a 2 hour episode and wasn't meant to be judged on its first hour alone.
A few things I want to address do pertain to either Part I only, or the series as a whole, so I'll cover those here.
I am very impressed with the presentation of the series. These are just nitpicky details, but they make it obvious that Paramount is trying to show it off as more of a weekly telefilm than just another TV show. The letterbox format is the most obvious of these things, but there are other changes. Instead of having "Guest Stars," the opening credits read: "Also Starring." Attaching a major star like Scott Bakula is unprecedented for a new "Star Trek" show, and I think it may very well work. It's far too early to be comparing Archer to the previous four captains, but he is a likeable character already.
One of the biggest controversies, surprisingly, has arisen from the new theme music. Seven years ago, no Trekkie would have thought that anything of this sort would happen. We usually just figured, "Eh, get Goldsmith or McCarthy to write another sweeping melody, stick it at the front." But all of a sudden, there's a song! Add to that, it wasn't even written for the show. I'll be honest, "Faith of the Heart" is not my favorite song. An old Diane Warren tune from the 70's just doesn't seem... Star Trek. But oddly enough, I think it works. Before the terrible events of September 11, I had typed up a brief column criticizing the decision to use this music. Now that I've seen it, I don't mind anymore. Sure, I would have preferred an adventurous, bombastic march. But hey, it's something new at least. Russell Watson is a great singer (although his opera is better than his pop) and the video montage really evokes a sense of adventure and exploration.
Breakdown and analysis for Part II and the next episode, "Fight or Flight" coming soon.
Walking soundly in the feet-prints of the Walrus,
![[Home Page]](images/bhome.gif)
![[Next Review]](images/bforward.gif)
![[E-Mail]](images/bemail.gif)
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Star Trek ® is a registered trademark of Paramount Pictures registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office. Enterprise is a trademark of Paramount Pictures. Original material © Copyright 2001, James Gardner. All rights reserved. |
|
|
|
|
|
|