Shaun T, of Insanity fame, loves him some stompy, air-catching cardio. Maybe you’ve seen him. Looking like Will Smith, talking like someone you can only put up with at 3am when the infomercial blares at you after you’ve caught up with everything on the DVR. Leaping and jumping and skipping and punching and generally acting like gravity ain’t no thang.
Let’s get one thing out of the way in a hurry: unless you’re in the WWE, a 450 pound man is not going to defy gravity without paying a heavy, heavy price.
I began the challenge at 449.2 – a little over two pounds down from the week before when I started with Shakeology. I felt better from the weekend, still waking up buzzing with “use me!” energy. This was day one of the Challenge, with a five-day fast start and the first of the workouts.
How many calories? Focus T25 recommended 1100 calories: no bloody way. Dr. H told me never to go below 1950. Michael recommended 1600-1800. P90x recommended no less than 1300. I figured, for the first five days, I’d be willing to go 1300-1400. My previous week’s average: 3600.
Monday was my first day of eating lean and clean. The Shakeology was by now an easy habit. I felt better than the previous day. My craving for sugar and caffeine? Gone. I wasn’t even tempted to go to the restaurant downstairs.
I’m not much of a morning exerciser. At the Clinic, we awoke daily at 4:45am and were walking and stretching by 5a. We were in bed by 9pm. That wasn’t going to happen at home. We tried morning workouts for a few weeks, but found after-work to be the most consistently attainable approach.
I had to work late that day. So my first Focus T25 video played through on Monday, April 14, just before 11pm. I scooted my chair aside in my cubicle, fired up the DVD player on my computer, and went to work.
Having the chair nearby was a lifesaver.
The first five minutes I followed along with Tanya (?), the “modified workout” member of the cast. I paused when I started feeling light headed. step, step, step…now, just on the balls of your feet…high knees…oh, crap–
The 25 minute workout, “Alpha Cardio”, took me 55 minutes to complete. if by “complete” you mean “attempt.” Even the step-down intensity was beyond me for some of the moves. (Jumping lunge? stay on the balls of your feet? don’t let 450 pounds of desk job hit the ground on your heels? Die in a fire, Shaun T.)
Workout 1: a lot of sweating. a lot of pausing. A lot of hyperventilating. Too much sitting before hitting Play again. An above-average dose of Febreeze.
This crap is hard. But Shaun T was true to his word: I was drenched in sweat, jelly-legged, and feeling like I’d done something significant, even if it looked nothing like what the trim, chipper people on the video had done.
And “Speed 1.0” is tomorrow? I need another plan.