03.21.08
Posted in Distractions at 8:45 am by Sulla
You know, that Rev. Wright makes some compelling points. And my grandmother – who is one-eighth black – always encouraged me to take my heritage more seriously. I’ve passed for white for so long, though, that I may be stuck with it. Which stinks, because that’s one group that seems to be on its way out in the 21st century (less like the Dodo and bearded arizona lake lobster, more like “auf Wiedersehen” on Project Runway.)
But I need help. Knowing what white people like doesn’t come naturally to me. (Like Project Runway.)
Fortunately, I’ve found a site that provides helpful insight into that most curious demographic, with handy tips on how to establish rapport with white people under a variety of circumstances.
The Jane Goodall of Pallid America goes beyond the obvious quirks – mayonnaise, DIE HARD movies – into the truly useful. For example:
Obviously, whites want black friends so as not to appear racist (see earlier Obama post). However, if we dig deeper what we notice about white people is not if they have black friends but in fact, how many black friends they have. White people like numbers. They like to count things like stars in the sky and the death toll at Mt. Everest and the number of times they’ve seen Tori Amos and/or Phish in concert. Counting the number of black friends is then clearly a divine imperative. (“#14 Having Black Friends“)
That would explain why The Count always flummoxed me on Sesame Street. I’ve always wondered…
My next sock-rattling epiphany came when I read entry #40, on Apple Products:
When you ask white people about Mac’s they will say “oh, it’s so much better than Windows,” “it’s just easier to use,” “they are so cutting edge,” and so forth. What’s amazing is that white people NEED to meet people who use Windows to justify themselves spending an extra $500 for a pretty looking machine. [...]
Apple products also come with stickers. Some people put them on their computer, some people put them on windows, but to take it to the pinnacle of whiteness, you need to put the Apple sticker in the rear window of your Prius, Jetta, BMW, Subaru 4WD Station Wagon or Audi. You then need to drive to a local coffee shop (Starbucks will do in a pinch) and set up your apple for the world to see. Thankfully, the Apple logo on the back will light up! So even in a dark place, people can see how unique and creative you (and the five other people doing the exact same thing) truly are!
Suddenly, my six years in Seattle make sense.
Before you let white people confuse and offend you, it may be worth a visit to this helpful site. Their actions may not be intentional; it may simply be part of their culture. And a rich and varied culture it is…if a bit shallow. The comments on each entry range from helpful to angry. Some believe this must be a joke, but … after just one day of applying what I’ve learned, I’ve become much more welcome in my white circles.
The Internet – is there anything it can’t do?
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03.20.08
Posted in Rants at 11:44 pm by Sulla
Soren Dayton, linked to a YouTube video casting Sen. Obama’s ties to Rev. Jeremiah Wright in an unfavorable light, has been suspended by the McCain campaign.
McCain, you see, doesn’t want his campaign associated with tactics such as Dayton employed.
Funny…it’s those very tactics, against Mitt Romney, that got Dayton the job in the first place.
I have to keep reminding myself that McCain is the least objectionable of the three remaining major candidates. His trip to Iraq and Israel, for example, was a good move, sending a strong message to our allies. But on days like this, the Dem-lovin’ side of Maverick reminds me of the sleazy crap he’s pulled against my man Mitt, and his above-the-fray “statesmanship” rings awfully hollow.
He may be jettisoning dirtbags this week, but there was a time when that was how you got offered a job on Team McCain.
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03.10.08
Posted in Politics at 9:36 pm by Sulla
If we could harness the wind power generated by all the economists and falling-sky media weasels patting themselves on the back for “[getting] it right” on recession, we would have zero dependence on oil for at least a month.
I’m sure I’m not the only Republican to notice that homelessness begins and good economic times end the nanosecond a Republican is sworn into the Presidency, and worsens apocalyptically every day until a Democrat is likewise sworn in. Economic luminaries like Paul “paid Enron advisor” Krugman have been asserting recession through three score months of economic growth…and like the proverbial clock, its “right twice a day” moment has to hit at some point.
Whether we are actually in recession is still debatable, though there are clear signs of concern: record gas prices, the mortgage crisis, the foreclosures, the homes in southern California beginning to be “price reduced to ACTUAL VALUE” – good for buyers like me, bad for sellers like my relatives – and terms like “stimulus packages” and “tax rebates” are a daily Google hit.
What’s dispiriting, if not surprising, is the glee with which they greet the news that their sky-is-falling rhetoric might actually be semi-plausible for a change…and at such a good time for Democrats, who are doing everything short of burning printing presses and breaking Internet Tubes (well, there were those five cut lines in the middle east last month…) to stop people hearing about the good news in Iraq, which helps Republicans. It’s an election year with a Republican in office; we need something in this country to suck, and suck hard. Never have so many waited so long to say “I told you so!” while still denying any responsibility for CAUSING the economic uncertainty in the first place by insisting that things are far worse than your lying eyes can see through those designer sunglasses your last raise helped you buy.
but fear not. On January 20, 2009 – assuming you don’t do something crazy and elect Sen. Maverick McCrankypants – all will be blue skies and beagles again. They’ll keep saying it until you believe it.
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Posted in Administration at 9:15 pm by Sulla
I’m trying to add some links to my blogroll. I’ve added some today, but I know i’m missing folks.
If you want a link – or if you have one and want it gone – either add a comment or email me.
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Posted in Politics at 8:42 pm by Sulla
You have to give the Clintons credit: they have a history of bending reality to their will to an extent even Steve Jobs would envy.
Hillary’s magnanimous gesture of inviting Obama to a Hillary Clinton fusion ticket is genius, assuming (not without merit) that Democrats in states that have yet to vote are drooling morons who have no idea that Obama is currently winning in overall popular vote, delegate count, number of states carried (by a 2-1 margin), likability, trustworthiness, honesty, congeniality, etc.
I don’t think Wyoming bought it.
Mississippi seems rather unconvinced as well.
Bill Clinton succeeded in 1992, in part, because (1) he was the best campaigner in that year’s crop of candidates, and (2) we didn’t know enough about him. This year, Hillary was supposed to have her turn, and she’s come close to dominating…but along came a guy who has many of Bill’s skills, his 1992-era youth and energy, a Messianic aura that inexplicably hasn’t been obliterated yet by Team Clinton, and an irresistible identity-politics hook of his own. The only lines of attack that have left much of a mark are on qualities like experience (of which Obama has little), which helps John McCain far more than Hillary, whose “35 years” of experience is only seven years of actual elective experience, and 28 years of Experience By Association. The most experience she can claim for herself in that period is “helping” with the Nixon impeachment, transforming health care in America, and keeping Bill Clinton in the white house in spite of himself (one minor hiccup aside, she succeeded, showing that she took copious notes on getting away with high crimes and misdemeanors from her law school days)…
All of which, granted, is experience. But of a kind that is better suited to a “holiday from history” like her husband’s terms in office, and not for the era in which we find ourselves. One wonders what might have happened if a “ready for the big chair from day one” Hillary had truly been so in 1993, when the World Trade Center was first targeted and Osama bin Laden first deemed America a “weak horse.” Yes, John F. Kennedy was ill equipped in the early days of his presidency (witness the Bay of Pigs) but had learned from his mistakes in time to hold firm for the Cuban Missile Crisis. Did Bill (and by extension Hillary, who counts these years as her own) show any growth in office, aside from the Chicken McLovehandles from his “jogs”?
Time will tell. We know exactly what Hillary will say, and is willing to do, to get back in the White House: anything and everything. The question is whether she can snooker enough voters to go along.
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03.04.08
Posted in Politics at 7:30 pm by Sulla
There are still votes to count, but Rhode Island officially snaps Hillary Clinton’s losing streak. She’s also looking hopefully at wins in Ohio and Texas.
There’s a debate among Republicans, whether it would be better to bury the Clintons now, or to help her win the nomination and then beat her in November. I can see both sides. Many are hoping for the chance to vote against Hillary, and the general election might be their only opportunity. Others are concerned that Obama has the same vibe as Bill Clinton in 1992, the young and exciting newcomer to face down the old fart whose own party isn’t that thrilled to have him on the ticket, where Hillary is a lightning rod that Republicans would move heaven, earth, and their own bank accounts to defeat.
On the other hand, those who fear that there is nothing – nothing! – the Clintons won’t do to win, want to end her candidacy as early as possible. If she can’t even sway her fellow democrats, her chance at a future successful run are limited. (Granted, John McCain’s 2000 nomination loss didn’t hurt him this time around.) Certainly, the legacy and reputation of Bill Clinton has been tarnished by the primary fight, and I’ve been heartened to see people who were snookered by him in the 1990s finally come around to see Bill’s true colors.
Ah well. Whether you’re rooting for Hillary to win the nomination or lose it, many are hoping that the Democratic party race will continue as long as possible, perhaps even enter the national convention with no clear winner. This would give the GOP a leg up in the general.
Meanwhile, tonight John McCain’s sweep of the day’s primary states means he now has the needed delegates to lock up the nomination. For that, I offer him congratulations, and I’ve put my noseplugs on order. I’m not a fan, but he beats the alternative.
Mike Huckabee has officially conceded. The numbers have yet to be crunched, but even though he stayed in the race an extra month as McCain’s lone opposition, he still didn’t surpass Romney in popular vote or in delegates. This appears to remain a sore spot, because Huck continues to badmouth Mitt Romney at every opportunity, even tonight. Suffice to say, Huck may be impressed with his own integrity and principle…but I’m not, and I’m glad he’s gone.
And so…forward we go, with the GOP race decided, and the Dems…not. I remain supremely unimpressed with the identity politics being played by the Democrats. I’m eager to vote for a woman, or a non-white man, or a non-white woman, or a morbidly obese transgender amputee rabbi with a speech impediment…whose stance on the issues I agree with. Win me over with ideas, please – not with checklists on some demographic survey.
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