One Day at a time

I binged hard yesterday. I drove myself to work, and had to stop for gas. I went inside, and went a bit nuts. mini donuts and other pastries, a big box of Hot Tamales candies, a trio of Monster energy cans (no calories, but lots of artificial sweeteners and high caffeine), two liters of PowerAde. All but one can of Monster was consumed by day’s end, and I topped it off with a trip to Arby’s and Randy’s Donuts on the way home. If there’s an upside, I ordered only two donuts at Randy’s, below my average, but I got a soda and cookie at Arby’s.  TL;DR: it was a sugar/carb heavy day, and I am still feeling it well into the next day.

I’d fasted for much of last week, with a 2 day and a three day fast. I broke the three day on Sunday with another large Arby’s meal loaded with carbs. I finished the day with better choices, but I felt very susceptible to carbs yesterday.  Today, it sounds more revolting than anything.

At my wife’s suggestion I went with a “kitchen sink” omelette at the cafeteria at work. All the meats, all the veggies, jack cheese, sour cream, avocado. So many fillings that the egg blanket can’t cover it all. It’s filling and hearty and it may well last me the entire day. That was my goal. If it does, I plan to continue the fast for 3+ days. Otherwise, I’ll start the clock after that meal.

Kitchen Sink Omelet
No sugars or grains. All the meats and veggies they have.

The scale impact of the past two days? Sunday I was 453. Monday, 452. Today? 461. I suspect part of that 9 pound gain came from a delayed reaction Sunday’s excesses, contributing to the extra inflammation yesterday.

Understanding the hormonal impact of insulin helps the gain make a lot more sense than the old calories in, calories out model. if you’re burning sugar, you’re storing fat, or at the very least not burning it.  I couldn’t possibly have had 35000 calories yesterday, but knowing that filling the fat cells also means adding water, the gains are disproportionate – as are the early losses when the fat clusters are huge.

I’m not happy about yesterday’s binges, but looking back to my previous one, it’s been  more than two weeks. Yes, I’d had some big eating days between, but mostly quest bars (low in net carbs) and healthier foods – none on pure sugary “carbage.” Unlike the earlier carb-fueled between-fasts gains, I’d gained much less the last two weeks, and my losses took me to new lows.

This is a long, long journey. I’m rebuilding a better body after decades of damage, following a new paradigm. There will be setbacks.  I’m striving to improve the setbacks – more time between binges, and shorter duration of binges. When I started, the binges lasted longer than the fasts. If I halt this binge at one meal plus one full day, that’s a big improvement – and a benchmark to improve on.

I’m changing my relationship with food. I know there’s an emotional attractiveness (for now) to the binge foods that has nothing to do with taste, but that there is fundamental, physiological craving that can be reduced as insulin levels come down. I’ve felt it during and just after the fasts where the compulsion to grab a donut or a soda plummets.

I doubt I’ll ever be 100% sugar and grain free for life, but I do believe they can one day become rare “special occasion” treats that don’t figure into my average week or month. I do feel better when they aren’t in my diet. Their hold is weakening. That gives me hope.

Leave a Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.