Slowing down, Speeding up

I’ve been hitting some low points physically this year. Weight’s back up, I’ve been sick more often. I’ve had laryngitis for almost two weeks; I don’t talk much during the day, but what little talking I do has been impaired.

In my last meeting with her, she asked if I was going to work afterward, and strongly urged me not to. I had planned to, but she was right – I was wiped out. It was Memorial Day weekend; I ended up sleeping through most of it. By Tuesday I was healthy enough to return to work, but still voiceless.

She’d recommended in an earlier appointment that I see a psychiatrist again; I’d seen one almost a decade earlier to tweak my OCD meds, and ultimately I was able to go off them. At the time I was tested for ADHD, but the OCD meds may have blunted the results.  I saw the same psychiatrist last Friday, and this time the evaluation was conslusive. I’d mentioned the weight gain, the focus issues, the reaction to caffeine (tends to help me focus), family history (siblings with ADHD).  She prescribed Vyvanse, starting with the smallest dose, and working up each day until we found the sweet spot.  It was such a low dose that no pharmacies had it in stock. she gave me a new prescription yesterday for the lowest-in-stock dose (20mg). the typical dose is between 30-70mg a day, so she said I might not notice a difference the first day or two. Today’s my first day on the stuff.

Other than feeling slightly warmer, I don’t feel much more focused today. But I do feel less resistance to action; I’m still distracted, but I can pull away easier to deal with something that pops up. Vyvanse is also approved for treating binge eating disorders. I had a fairly large breakfast at Chick Fil A (ultimate breakfast platter, medium cherry coke) less than an hour after I took the dose. I went next to Vitamin Shoppe, which is a common route for me when I have the car. I bought two boxes of Quest bars, two Bang colas and two Muscle Brownies.  I had a Quest bar in the car on the way to work, but that was it.  I had a muscle brownie and Bang at lunch, but this time last week I’d eaten three times as many protein bars and more besides. I have felt less impulse to eat.

So far, so good.

I tend to obsess about things. I hope adding a psychiatric component to my efforts will pay off. It did help when I was struggling with OCD. The psychiatrist isn’t just a Doctor Feelgood; she doesn’t believe in medicating for its own sake. I hope the drugs will work this time too, and work to the point that they are no longer needed.

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